These are the last vacation pictures I'm going to post, I promise, because I'm pretty sure there's no faster way to get people to want to punch you in the mouth than forcing them to look at your vacation pictures. Probably the only thing worse than that is coercing people to read the manuscript of the book you're writing--believe it or not, I didn't even ask Joe to read my book until I got the galleys, and he's contractually obligated to do whatever I say.
Anyway, we were on vacation, and we thought it might be nice to get a family photo. That's not too much to ask, is it? We were all standing around on the beach already and it was the golden hour (which makes everyone look attractive), so it seemed like as good a time as any. So we got Joe's mom to hold our camera, wrestled the two kids into our lap, and gritted our teeth together rasping "happy family happy family happy family" under our breaths. Click.
JOE: I always have a good photo face!
MICHELLE: While I will use my standard "not quite smiling but pleasant" photo face! And maybe if I tickle Mack, he will smile!
MACK: NO.
CAL: And I will grab Dad's balls!
JOE: Not only do I always have a good photo face, I can maintain the same face for a long time!
MICHELLE: Dammit, now Mack is trying to get away. Let me pull him close to me to create a simulacrum of filial devotion.
MACK: GRAA, T. REX EAT MACK HAND.
CAL: Never has anyone ever sat more awkwardly in a lap than I am sitting in Dad's lap right now. But never mind. Blue Steel! Magnum! El Tigre!
JOE: See? I'm still doing it! My face, it does not move! Ever!
MACK: GRAARAAAH! T. REX EAT HAND EAT ROCK EAT STICKS T. REX EAT IT.
CAL: I tire of this. The energy of this shoot is all wrong.
JOE: In fact, I might be a wax statue, for all you can tell!
MACK: BUGS! BUGS FLY ON MACK! NO LIKE THAT! BUGS!
JOE: The truth is, I died an hour ago, and nobody noticed! It's called rigor mortis, bitches!
MACK: BUGS ON NECK NOW! BUGS! NO LIKE BUGS ON NECK! T. REX EAT!
MICHELLE: (Eyeing possible escape routes.)