Ever since the dawn of time, I have had a problem with how Joe slices his bagels. See, quick poll: what would you say is the safest way to slice a bagel? Probably to lay the bagel down flat and move the knife horizontally through it while stabilizing it from the top with the flat of your palm, right? Or if you have a sturdy enough bagel, maybe prop it up on its side and slice straight down towards the cutting board. Or else get one of those crazy bagel cutters that Sky Mall keeps telling you to buy.
What's the wrong way to slice a bagel? I HAVE OPINIONS. One wrong way, one dangerous way, in my opinion, is the way Joe does it, which is to hold the bagel in his hand, with his fingers wrapped around each side like a taco shell, while sawing the knife directly into his palm.
My argument is that regardless, he should probably be more careful with how he wields a knife. But especially as a plastic surgeon, whose very livelihood is dependent on the precise control of his hands, he should damn well be wearing chain mail if he's even thinking about sawing a blade directly into his palm, or better yet, slice the bagel like a safe human being. Joe, on the other hand seems to think that intention is the key to causality and that bagel knife misfire is outside of the range of possible outcomes, because what is he, and idiot? I counter that, idiots or not, most people who cut themselves probably did not intend to do so, and that bagel-related lacerations are probably the scourge of the ER and likely one of the most common kitchen injuries. To which he responded--what is that thing that kids do, where they put their fingers in their ears and start singing loudly so that they don't have to hear you? That.
Anyway, feel free to weigh in on this debate, which while it has been raging in our household for years, though it has unfortunately had zero effect on how Joe chooses to slice his bagels. Maybe a little tour of the ER on a Sunday morning would have more impact. Or a quick tour of his disability insurance premium rates.